Marriage Is A Divine Institution. Since God instituted marriage, then marriage – your marriage — must be regulated by His rules and regulations, not by your whims and fancies. You may marry, divorce and remarry, only if, only when, only how and only to whom He says you may, without sinning.
Marriage Is A Covenant Of Companionship. A man and a woman vowed to be each other’s companion and to meet each other’s need for companionship, till death separates them. By viewing marriage as a covenant, we are underlining the fact that it is not to be entered into lightly, nor be dissolved hastily.
In view of the above, it is wise and prudent for young people to ask, “How then may we proceed in seeking a life-companion? Are there any Scriptural principles to guide us?” I want to use the incident of Abraham seeking a wife for Isaac (Genesis 24) to give you some guidelines relating to this matter:
[1] Do Be Very Careful!
I am not against marriage. I am merely urging great caution as young men and women set out to seek a life-companion. See the great care Abraham exercised in seeking a life-companion for his son Isaac. Note that he chose the oldest servant for the task (v2). There is great wisdom in his action. Our spouse will exert a great influence in our life. He/She will either be a spur or a hindrance to our Christian Life. Nehemiah 13:26b reminded us that “pagan women caused even (wise) Solomon to sin”. Abraham was cautious, but he was not paralyzed. He acted, with caution.
[2] Do Choose Any But Only From Your ‘Kinsman’.
Abraham wanted a daughter-in-law. Isaac needed a wife. The servant was to carry out the task, but as verses 3&4 inform us, he must not choose a Canaanite lady. He must choose one from Abraham’s kindred. This criterion appeared to be unnecessarily narrow, placing Isaac at a great disadvantage. Yet Abraham insisted that it must be maintained and upheld, even if it meant traveling at least 675 km to do the job! The reason is not racial, but religious.
Christians today must insist on the same principle based on the same reason. We must not marry outside the faith. Hence, we must not date/court a non-Christian. And we must assess his/her profession of faith Biblically before committing ourselves to the relationship. We tend to be very blind and deaf when we come to making such assessment, because in those moments, we are guided more by our emotions than our thoughts. So speak to your parents and church elders. They are not out to make you life-long singles!
[3] Don’t Be Obsessed With Marriage.
Read verses 5, 6 & 8. Abraham makes it clear that if the woman refused to follow the servant back, he must not bring Isaac there. Abraham is sure that God will guide and provide. But if God sees fit not to provide, then let Isaac remain single! Better to be without a life-companion than to be without God! The point is this: Marriage is good and desirable. But don’t be obsessed with it. God is your ultimate rest and companion. He is MOST IMPORTANT!
[4] Don’t Go Without Prayer!
So important is this matter, so prone are we to make mistake, we must pray. That’s what the servant did. Having done all he could – being in the right place, at the right time (v11), he prayed (v12-14). And observe how prayerful and worshipful he was (v21, 26, 52). “Don’t look around for a life partner, look up!” is a good advice. The Psalms exhort us to delight ourselves in the LORD, and He will give us the desires of our heart, to commit our ways to Him, trust Him and He shall bring it to pass.
[5] Don’t Stop At The External.
Sadly, that’s all the criteria used by many young people today – external beauty. As long as he/she is cool, ok. Really?! The fact that Rebecca was a beautiful lady was incidental. According to v13&14, the servant was looking for a beautiful character. He was searching for a virtuous and prudent wife for Isaac. Her beautiful character includes:
1 Samuel 2:30 says that “those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me shall be lightly esteemed.” We should seek to honour God in every aspect of our life, including this area of seeking a life-companion. Honour your Lord and your God, brothers and sisters!
WEI En Yi